Theater Multi-Tasking?!?!

I know - what's with the title? Well, it'll make sense in a minute. I'm performing a few nights ago and low and behold there's a lady KNITTING in the front row! Now it's not that she was bored, quite the contrary. She was laughing and smiling and applauding and having a great time, but I guess she felt she could 'kill two birds with one stone' so to speak.

She must have thought that theater was the same as watching television back in the fifties....The family gathers around the picture tube and the kids lay on the floor with softdrinks. Father gets to sit in his 'official' Dad's chair and smoke his pipe, while mother knits or does embroidery....Armed with menial tasks, they then sit back and enjoy the nightly television programming.

So by the time our LIVE stage show finished, she was a happy camper, having enjoyed our performance and having finished an entire wool SOCK. Now I know she probably thinks nothing of it, but doesn't she realize there really is something rather rude about knitting in the front row of a theater during a show? I mean, come on, why not vacuum as well? Or soak your feet for that matter?

The sad state of affairs is this....Gone is the respectability of going to the Theater, giving the performers their proper due (or 'props' nowadays) and simply paying 'undivided' attention to what is happening on stage.

Having attended shows and musicals, broadway and off-broadway (and experimental, alternative way-off-off-off-broadway) in New York over the past 20+ years, as a theater-goer I've seen this decline first-hand. Many of us have. A lot of it has to do with everything becoming more and more casual in today's society...and there's nothing wrong with that in and of itself. I'm sure women are glad that the age of corsets are over, and that swimwear can now be as skimpy as a couple of rubberbands and two Post-It notes. Men aren't required to be strangled by ties as much as they used to be. Many companies don't seem to mind people wearing a nice pair of jeans and sneakers, as long as they're clean.

But the casual trend has also brought about a dirge of laziness when it comes to a night on the town. "Hey, I get off work at Six, so I'll swing by and pick you up at 6:30. We'll get a bite to eat at 7:00 and then we'll head straight over to the theater since the show starts promptly at 8:00!" - no time to dress up. No time to impress each other (except for checking your breath and adding another coat of deodorant to your armpits.) Besides, EVERYONE is wearing jeans and sneakers - all of them strolling into major shows on broadway as if they were simply window shopping at the local mall - only difference is, they're clutching a pair of tickets at $125.00 each.

And maybe that's the problem as well. Tickets pices rising so sky high that one feels entitled to dress down because at least they (the theater) can't control that particular aspect of our lives. People thinking to themselves, "I paid almost a week's salary for tonight's dinner and show for the two of us - I'll dress any damn way I want, thank you very much!"

I'm sure theater's dress codes have diminshed as well, since everyone's looking to make more money. Why limit the 'type' of person who goes to the theater if they're willing to plunk down good hard cold cash to come inside? Besides, by getting rid of the dress code, aren't we allowing everyone to enjoy the theater experience? For art is something that.... lofty idealistic ideas of bringing "theater to the masses!".

Which brings me to yet another point. I've joked about this before, but as I get older, I tend to seriously wonder. Since we performers have to 'pay our dues' and have a litany of past experience listed on our resumes, why doesn't an audience member need to show THEIR resume? Would be great, wouldn't it? "Ah yes, I see you've attended several operas and quite a few musicals of some of the top touring companies. And you've been approved by quite a few ushers who have praised you on your silence, attentiveness and positive audience participation during each performance. Well done! Please, PLEASE be our guests!"

Well, my show was over and the crowds were leaving the theater. The rest of the cast and I were standing out in the casino lobby for 'de-greet' or as others call it 'meet-&-greet'. And sure enough, the knitting monster in the front row pulled her family out of the theater; all with big smiles on their faces. They vigerously shook my hand and talked endlessly about how much they enjoyed the show.

I had so much to say to her, but threw on a quiet smile and an almost inaudible 'thank you' for their kind words. As they trotted away onto their next adventure, I couldn't help but wish that a strand of yarn might have slipped from her purse so I could nonchalantly step on it....The knitted sock, slowly, secretly unraveling inside as they walked further and further away. Sometimes a simple daydream will solve things and make everything right with the world.

I walked back into the theater and realized we'd soon have to change our opening announcement to the show: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Horizon Casino Cabaret Theatre. During this performance we do ask that you refrain from smoking and the use of all cellphones, pagers, beepers...and knitting needles. Thank you, and enjoy the show!"